swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How many fucks given?
0.12846
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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