They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
