I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
