I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
