this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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