i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
