This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
