I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
is wine microwaveable?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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