some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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