Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
