My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
