i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
