I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
