I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
