i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
