I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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