Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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