I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
