Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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