Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
