never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
