Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
