I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
