im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
