Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
