My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
