I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
