When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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