It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
