I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
