All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
