the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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