Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
farters have to be the big spoon...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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