yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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