Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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