i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
