did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
