her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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