she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
