i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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