Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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