toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
