After last night, I could never be a politician.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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