well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
