cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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