Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
