I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
