actually, I'm a sock model
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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