ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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