He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
