Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
tell me about the fingering
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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