ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
