And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
