did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
